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Tories praised for inventing time machine taking UK back 40 years to a time of hyper-inflation and national strikes

By Livi Ngroom

“Great Scott! They’ve invented a time machine!” said political analyst Bob Zemeckis this morning after realising that the entire country suddenly found itself 40 years in the past - a time of hyper-inflation and national strikes.

“But it’s unbelievable that they’ve done it using a big red bus with a blatant lie on the side of it. One would have thought a Delorean would be more suited to the task in hand.

“It looks like they might have taken us too far back in the past at first to the 1800s what with obvious Victorian gentleman Jacob Rees-Mogg riding around on a penny farthing and calling for the return of workhouses, but then they seemed to have course corrected to the early Eighties. Apparently they’re still trying to correct that course and have asked the public to ignore any outbreaks of polio in the meantime.

“It’s plain for everyone to see that somehow using the science of never listening to experts we’re now in an era of every other shop being boarded up, people having to take a mortgage out to do their weekly shop, and the unions fighting tooth and nail just to get fair pay and proper working conditions.

“They’ve even managed to get us the same soundtrack what with Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill from the mid-eighties being at the top of the charts as well as giving us the imminent threat of nuclear armageddon with that ding dong do with Russia.

“Yep, we’re definitely back in the eighties.”

A spokesman for Number 10, Horatio Fitzherbert, who wished not to be named, said: “It it with great pride that we can reveal that, yes, our wonderful Tory Government has taken us back to the Eighties, which is something that we can all be proud of. We are even trying to forment the return of the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland by breaking every promise of the Good Friday Agreement and riding roughshod over international law.

“But we’re not going to stop there. Our next plan is to take us even further back to the late Seventies with our very own brand of the ‘Winter of Discontent’ about to hit Britain come November when the entire country feels the pinch of heating bills that are through the roof and even more strikes on the horizon.

“Our eventual goal is to take us back to the Fifties but we have a long way to go before we reach that rose-tinted era but we are trying our best with an immigration policy that will eventually see a big ‘Whites only’ sign on the cliffs of Dover and blatant racism throughout the country under our manufactured ‘culture war’ policy.

“We’re really hoping to hit the pinnacle of taking our country back when we eventually dismantle the NHS and make it so Nye Bevan never existed.

“We’ll get there eventually as we’re all working very hard to make that happen.

“Hang on, I thought I wasn’t going to be named.”