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American right-to-lifers revealed to be living rebuttal of own arguments

Health

US Supreme Court demands mums now carry babies to full term of 10 years until inevitable school shooting

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"Forget polio!" say scientists warning of new outbreak of fucking Minions next week

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Tories to cut ambulance waiting times by reclassifying seriously ill as pre-dead and sending hearses instead

Health

Covid denies infecting Prince Andrew as it has standards

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'My wrist hasn't hurt this bad since lockdown,' says man suffering from repetitive strain injury from too much Jubilee flag waving

Health

Minnie Mouse threatens divorce after Daisy Duck diagnosed with monkey pox

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Surgeons admit defeat in operation to remove Nadine Dorries from Boris Johnson's Anus

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"I just like bananas and wanking in public," insists man in monkey pox false alarm

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Makers and sellers of shitty cheap food thank Government for its help

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Man who now has amazing abs having lived at the gym for five years still not made up for lack of personality

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Covid to find new job as social media influencer demanding free stuff in exchange for 'exposure'

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Ordinary people glad NHS website refers to 'poo' and 'pee' instead of complex medical terms such as 'faeces' and 'urine'

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Putin applies to be senior NHS Trust executive so he can kill babies with no fear of punishment

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Scientist to find cure for procrastination just as soon as she finishes alphabetising her CD collection

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Rees-Mogg proved correct as 163,000 covid dead found to have been made of fluff

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