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White House flags to remain lowered so Biden can hide behind them from gun lobby

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Grandpa Munster threatens to sue next person who says he looks like odious Senator Ted Cruz

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World's psychopaths offered 'Stay'n'Slay' holidays in America

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God tells stupid gun-fondling Texan bastards to shove their thoughts and prayers up their holes

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Northerners just ecstatic to see London getting yet another new train line mere months after all their shit was cancelled

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Researcher nearly as surprised by football terrace homophobia as by being bitten while strolling in crocodile enclosure

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Man thrown out of community Facebook page for knowing difference between 'their', 'there' and 'they're'

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Daily Mail slates anti-poverty campaigner for having luxuries such as roof and chair

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Alternative universe Vardys and Rooneys solve disputes by hurling dog shit at one another over back garden fence

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"Everything's just too f***ing expensive," says everyone

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MI5 protection of alleged domestic abuser agent officially its only success in decades

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Daily Mail readers say new commemorative Pride 50p will turn other coins gay

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Surprised Audi driver discovers indicator stalk on steering column

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Elderly man searching for long lost friend through community Facebook group just looking to bang

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Government reassures Whitehall civil servants that only useful civil servants will be axed

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Alligator approached by US police glad it's green reptile and not non-white human

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