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Govt to replace confusing ‘Amber Watchlist’ with much clearer ‘Tangeriney-Greeny Maybe List’

Features

Boomerangs to make a comeback, industry expert confirms

Features

BMW Drivers outraged at new 'Woke' Highway Code that forbids them from ploughing into pedestrians

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RNLI gently points out that throwing migrants back in Channel evil and illegal

Features

Rooney punished by having his tyre swing taken away

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"Stick your carrots up your arses, we want medals," say dressage horses

Features

Lonely man told to self-isolate gutted that it's not made an iota bit of difference to his life

Features

NASA probe reports Mars not as big as when you were a kid and has thinner chocolate

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‘Nice Guy’ on dating site can’t understand why none of those ‘effing skanks’ want to go out with him

Features

Britain nervously eyes up its fluffiest pets as toilet roll panic-buyers hit the supermarket shelves again

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Eagerly-awaited Prince Harry memoir rumoured to list achievements other than being born

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Large penis seen flying above Texas turns out to be Jeff Bezos

Features

Mystery of racist Twitter hackers who only target accounts of utter non-entities

Features

Judicial system proves commitment to helping female victims by releasing double child rapist and murderer

Features

‘Life is just a hoax and we’re all living in The Matrix,’ says conspiracy theorist who’s taken things a bit far

Features

Group of friends discussing Branson-Bezos space race dare not say what they're really thinking

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