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Big Ben to be renamed Big Dong after receiving coveted Pornhub sponsorship

By Terry Aki

Fans of Big Ben were celebrating today after Pornhub was revealed as the new sponsor of the iconic Westminster landmark. 

Known as Bellends, the fans had been lobbying for the sponsorship deal to take place ever since Pornhub had expressed an interest in the middle of last year.

The Elizabeth Tower, known to many as Big Ben, is currently undergoing the most extensive conservation project since it was built in Victorian times. And it is hoped that funding from the new sponsorship will go some way to pay for it.

A spokesman for Pornhub, Fi Male-Groper, made the announcement on the website yesterday just after she had finished dealing with an awkward scenario where a plumber had shown up to actually do some work on a leaking faucet and not to take part in a bukkake party that happened to be going on in the mixed gender toilets at the same time.

She said: “Well, any historian would be able to tell you that Big Ben is actually the name of the rather large Bell in the clocktower so the first thing we’re doing to do is rename it Big Dong as it is more in keeping with our brand.

“As a website Pornhub has grown considerably over the last few years to become the largest masturbation destination in the world so it is only fitting that our brand will now be affiliated with being right next to the Houses of Parliament which contains the highest concentration of wankers in the western hemisphere.

“Most of our porn gets made in the offices of Westminster nowadays anyway as they’re all randy buggers so it’s pretty convenient too.

“We are proud to put our Big Dong on display for everybody to see.”

But the move has hit some criticism from a small group of Bellends.

Chester Joke, a spokesman for the Bellends, said: “Why couldn’t it have been YouPorn instead?”